So today I was feeling so burnt out that I decided to head over to a friend’s house after work instead of straight home. This is really uncharacteristic of me as up until recently home has been my favorite place except I really couldn’t stomach the thought of going home right after work today. My brother in law moved in with us a little over a month ago and it’s been a bad bad thing for not only my relationship with my husband but also for my own state of mind. I already battle depression every single moment of every day and having someone come into my home, which is my safe place, and change everything and get between my husband and I, has really not helped me out at all. In addition I’ve been working two jobs and haven’t actually had a day off in over a month (and won’t until May 12th). So this new arrangement has had me feeling like a stranger in my own home and consequently my own life since home had been such a secure place for me. Now if you’ve read any of my other blog posts you already know that one of my little ‘psychic-isms’ is that I dream in symbols and occasionally prophecy. For the past week or so (my lowest moments) I’ve been having vivid dreams that I either haven’t been able to remember or haven’t been able to decipher and haven’t exactly felt like worrying about either. I’ve been completely neglecting my Metaphysical education, stopped writing my book, stopped meditating, stopped taking care of my health (ie. eating) and pretty much ignored any and all messages that have been sent to me by my angels. Well. Let me tell you that your Angels can’t be ignored, especially when they are trying to pull you out of your own ‘pit of ultimate darkness’. I’ve been pretty much at the point of starting to figure out how I could just disappear and how to release any guilt about hurting those around me and just escape everything. Of course hindsight is always 20/20 and this case is no different. For starters, a book appeared in my kindle about Archangels. I vaguely remember downloading it sometime last week but don’t all at the same time. Then came the dreams (our usual favorite method of communication). Images of vacations with my husband were telling me to step back and take a break and various reminders to stick with my Metaphysical stuff started to flood my sleep. Thirdly, yesterday my Bachelors of Metaphysical Sciences diploma arrived by Priority Mail. My doorman who really has no reason to remember I’m the girl from 4S in a building containing hundreds of units somehow managed to stop me and hand me the package. Generally if I’m not expecting a package, I say hello and fly by him so the fact that he recognized me and managed to stop me is amazing in itself. Still though, today I was feeling pretty low and useless. Sorry to be so long winded here. So I’m traveling home from my friend’s place and while transferring trains at 59th st (for those of you who aren’t in NYC, this subway station can be very noisy and this particular encounter was no exception) over the express train rumbling through and the voices of the hundreds of people making their connections, I hear this glorious voice singing “You’ll never walk alone” by Rodgers and Hammerstein from Carousel. Clear as day, over the roar of the station this song reached my ears and I could do nothing to stop the tears that I’ve been holding for weeks. Here I was feeling so alone and hopeless and somehow this song happened to be the one that the street performer decided to sing. I only heard two lines or so but having performed this song myself back when I was a singer, it’s all I needed. For anyone who isn’t familiar with this song I’m pasting the lyrics below. I don’t know how copyright stuff works but I’m not claiming any ownership, just sharing.
When you walk through a storm
Keep your chin up high
And don’t be afraid of the dark.
At the end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark.
Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Tho’ your dreams be tossed and blown.Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you’ll never walk alone,
You’ll never walk alone.
Again, this is from Carousel by Rodgers and Hammerstein. Timing like this today can never be a coincidence. Angels 50 – Cathy 0. You win again friends.